The Affari Blog

So I’m searching every newspaper and media website on the planet trying to find something to blog about this week. I inevitably go to YouTube and look for the commercials and newscasts from one of my new favorite websites, www.birminghamrewound.com. And ooooooooh brother did I find one for you!

It is safe to say that this is probably one of the worst “do it yourself” commercials in the history of television. As for this spot, a little insight on my relationship to Birmingham, Alabama. I attended the University of Alabama in nearby Tuscaloosa from 1995-1999, earning my degree in May 2000. Since Tuscaloosa only has so much to offer, Birmingham was the “big city” you’d escape to if you had enough money for the drive. So I get a kick out of “old school” Birmingham stuff simply because in my opinion Birmingham (and most of the state of Alabama) is still 15 years behind the rest of the world. That’s what makes the spot for Dick Reese Organs more entertaining… it was actually ahead of its time!

In the 1990s when I lived in Tuscaloosa, I saw my fair share of bad commercials, most of them advertising Jim Skinner Ford (”Where a hundred dollars says we’ll beat your best deal… REGARDLESS!”) . And I have to admit there were quite a few low-budget cable commercials that don’t fare much better than Dick Reese Organs. However, this one is so classically bad, I’m proud to make it my first entry.

First, let’s take a look at Mr. Reese. It’s quite obvious WKRP’s Herb Tarlek advised Mr. Reese on his wardrobe. I know, I know… it was 1977… but I actually have that same pattern on my sleeper sofa right now. And now I’m curious… does the belt match the shoes? One thing’s for sure, Mr. Reese has a ready-made tourniquet in that fat-ass tie of his if someone should get a limb severed from a falling organ.

The other notable visual quirk about Mr. Reese is it appears he hasn’t had his V-8 today. Why the hell is he leaning over like that? Perhaps his tie, or more likely his intense comb-over, is making him top-heavy. Or maybe he’s so nervous about appearing on camera, he’d had too much to drink and requires a group of stage heads to prop him up at his feet. Whatever the case, just the visual gaffes make this commercial worth the watching. But the real treat is the audio portion of this fine commercial.

The thick Alabama accent is nothing to me, simply because I heard it for years when I lived there, and for most of my life since I grew up in Florida. But this guy sounds like he has a sock in his mouth, or maybe he ate his skinny tie earlier. First he muses, “Dyoo been thinking about buying an organ”, (That’s Alabamese for “If you”) then he’s got a “DEAL FOR YOU!” The “beautiful” Yamaha organ “reg-uh-lee sell” for $1195. Now is that supposed to be “regularly sells” or “regularly selling”? It gets better when Reese informs us that this week “it priced” at $895. Then it only gets stranger.

After Reese tells us about how we’ll never get a two-keyboard organ (with one-finger play) like this again, the shot of novocaine administered to him just before the taping of this commercial takes effect. He garbles his way through the remainder of the spot before BOTCHING THE NAME OF HIS OWN COMPANY! Hey Dick! It’s “STUDIOS”, not “SUE-DEE-OHS”! Sadly it doesn’t appear Dick Reese Studios is in business any longer, although since he probably inspired Phil Collins to write “Sussudio” with his mush-mouth commercial, I can see why he would have closed up shop 20 years ago with all of those royalty checks.

So there you have it my friends, a look back at a classically bad commercial. One which birminghamrewound.com notes played “late at night”. I can’t imagine why!

You know the old saying, “Be careful what you wish for”? That saying is coming down hard on broadcast radio stations and the companies that own them in the form of Arbitron’s “portable people meter” (PPM). And I say, GOOD! This is what the money-grubbing robber-barons of the radio industry deserve! At this time I should point out after seven hard years of work at the Tampa Bay cluster of Clear Channel Radio, I was fired last September due to “budget cuts” so this post may be ripe with sarcasm. Less than two months after I was released because my paltry salary was dragging down the company’s line, Clear Channel agreed to go private with a $26.7 billion sale to Bain Capital Partners and Thomas H. Lee Partners.

In the never-ending search for more money, the radio industry (not just Clear Channel) demanded a new way of accounting for its listeners. For decades the industry had been using paper diaries from Arbitron to create ratings reports four times a year (two times a year in smaller markets). Several years ago I felt the diary method was extremely outdated, and that belief continues to this day simply because people are too busy with their lives to write down every station they listen to at all hours of the day. So several years ago Arbitron came up with the PPM, a beeper-like device that detects hidden tones in a station’s signal. The PPM basically is a live, as-is ratings report. Whether a person listens to one station for eight hours, or eight stations in one hour, the ratings can be accurately reported instead of hoping the diary holder can accurately recall which stations he/she listened to at the end of the day.

There’s no doubt about the real, underlying reason why stations wanted the PPM– MONEY! With accurate, real-time ratings stations would not only know the age and gender of the listener but the listener’s habits too. How many hours does a person listen to the radio? Exactly where are they listening at? Why does a person change the station or turn off the radio? By digging deeper in to ratings, stations could adjust their rate cards and charge more to advertisers because they would know precisely how long a listener is listening. But then an interesting thing happened… radio found out how long people were listening to the radio. And the news wasn’t all good.

In the first PPM report from Houston, Texas, the most shocking revelation was that fewer people listening to radio during the morning drive (6 a.m. to 10 a.m.) as opposed to ratings derived from diaries. The data also showed just as many people listened to nights (7 p.m. to midnight) as they did morning drive. Afternoon drive (3 p.m. to 7 p.m.) was the highest-rated drive time, while weekends were listened to more than indicated in paper diaries. If this data remains accurate, it will turn the radio world upside down in that it was commonly thought that the order of most listeners (from highest to lowest) was mornings, afternoons, evenings (weekends were typically “thrown out”, never really considered as viable data in determining rates).

In New York City, stations that ranked in the top 10 during diary days have slipped 10 to 15 spots in the rankings with the PPM. Some stations say a lack of representation in minority listeners is to blame for this. But as evidenced in an article from the New York Times, Arbitron senior vice president Tom Mocarsky cites radio listening among minorities has actually gone up 67% with use of the PPM over the diary. So what does this mean?

Well first of all, Arbitron needs to make sure they properly fill the quota for minority listeners. This is something I’m sure they will do since the future of the PPM requires extremely accurate data from all demographics. Second, it means the radio industry HAS to wake up sooner or later and realize people don’t listen to one station for a long time like they used to. With competition from the Internet, mp3 players, and CDs, radio has to give the average person a compelling reason to listen in the first place and to listen longer. Radio could also help itself out by not having so many similar formats. With so many crossover artists and tight playlists it’s hard to tell one station from another. Finally, you have to have live, local, and entertaining talent to get people to listen and to listen longer.

But these are bean counters we’re talking about, and they’ll ignore good programming while counting their beans and blaming the PPM results on some outside force. But by keeping their blinders on the bean counters are merely getting their just desserts.

* A follow-up to a previous entry of mine regarding casual dining outlets. Following Applebee’s new logo it appears other chains are also trying to pump up business in the sagging industry… with coupons! One analyst calls the move one of the worst things she’s seen in 14 years in the business. Check out the story from USA Today.

As the self-proclaimed office hippie, I felt it appropriate to contribute a post related to the ‘Green Movement’ currently sweeping the nation. Whether you like it or not, you have probably heard about the movement. Lately this campaign has been everywhere from movie theaters to website wallpapers. The expression ‘Think Green’ has been shoved down our throats so much that it has become a catch phrase in everyday conversations.

There has been a lot of controversy regarding the seemingly positive campaign. Is this campaign really a movement to clean up the earth and make our country a better place to live? Or are its critics correct when they point out the underlying hypocrisy of the movement’s promoters?

I don’t want to dig too deep into the politics involved in this debate. Accusations that Green Movement leaders - such as Al Gore - don’t necessarily practice what they preach are growing louder. Even caller’s on WFLA’s Schnitt Show ridiculed NBC for some of their ‘hypocritical’ promotions. Rather than spending time repeating these accusations, I’d like to explore this concept from a different angle; focusing on promotional strategies and advertising ethics.

One of the major supporters of this campaign has been NBC-Universal. Much of its programming has allowed time for personalities to discuss certain ‘green’ topics. If you watched Sunday Night Football last weekend, you witnessed a component of the Green is Universal campaign that is leaking its way into many media vehicles. The NBC icon was no longer multi-colored, but completely green. Personalities touched on certain energy saving techniques, drove traffic to the Green is Universal website and even demonstrated how much energy could be saved by turning off their set lights for a minute or so.

This blackout technique is one of the promotional elements that backfired on NBC. Instead of inspiring viewers to conserve their own energy, it made the TV programs seem hypocritical. Viewers asked why they should go out of their way to conserve energy when these TV sets were using ungodly amounts of energy. If you think about it - NBC was indirectly telling viewers to turn off their TV sets. In this sense, I don’t believe NBC really promoted the Green Campaign in an effective and inspiring way.

I read and heard several reviews that called NBC ‘hypocritical’, ‘uninspiring’ and ‘unwatchable’. I think it is really unfortunate that NBC is getting such negative feedback over this. In reality, they are promoting this movement to inspire some good. Maybe they are using huge amount of energy by broadcasting football games and other programming, but at least they are spending some of this camera time to promote a positive and proactive cause. Other stations have similar programming that does nothing more than entertain and sell products/services. NBC is incorporating a huge pro-bono campaign into its primetime schedule while other stations are just looking to improve ratings and ad income.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that NBC is a flawless company. I just don’t agree with the negative publicity that they have received over the past few days. In the end, they are backing a good cause. Whether they really believe in it, or if it’s simply a big PR stunt; the fact of the matter is they are promoting a positive movement. You may not agree with the specific messages they use, or the strategies they use to demonstrate them, but at the end of the day, the least you can do is respect them for their intentions and public service.

To check out the Green network online, go to www.greenisuniversal.com. You can check out the Green network, read up on the philosophy and even calculate how much energy you consume. I’d like to say that no trees were harmed in the production of this post, but I’m sure in some round-about way a scientist could disprove that statement.