Classic(ally Bad) TV Commercials: Oh Thank Heaven For Acid!
We jump into the WABAC Machine to head back to 1970 with this Classic(ally Bad) TV spot for 7-11. Turn on… tune in… turn your eyes around my children!
Wow! That was so cool! Who knew a convenience store with 18-day-old hot dogs spinning on heat rollers could be so mod? Maybe ingesting one of those tube steak beauties caused the creation of this spot. In 1970 7-11 was almost 50-years old, yet the 24-hour convenience factor of the chain was only a few years old. Why not pump that up, instead of pumping me up with a white version of Sly & The Family Stone selling Slurpees to me? I have to admit the slogan “Oh, thank heaven” is a very catchy one and only undercuts the importance of having one of these 24-hour stores around for your convenience. Having it sung by the funkadelic Partridge Family only makes it goofy.
If the Southern Baptist musical musings of the store, or the trippy subliminal cut-ins reminding you 7-11 is “fun”, isn’t entertaining enough, then we see a mysterious and more than likely phony doctor appear to cure our headaches and sell some bread. Apparently the doctor is the bizarre offspring of C. Everett Koop and Dan Rowan, picking up his fluffy beard from the former and his stern voice from the latter. Doctor Quack then precribes aspirin and Embassy bread (an old home-made remedy that is easy on the stomach) for that quick resolution to a headache. But I’m curious Doc, does it have to be Embassy bread for the cure? Will taking my aspirin with Wonder Bread cause an ulcer because I didn’t properly follow your advice?
Of course 7-11 is no dummy when it comes to trying to make you spend a few more bucks on that impulse buy. After settling your stomach, and your headache, with that all-important combination of aspirin and Embassy bread, the head honchos at the top of the chain try to slip a fast one on you by subliminally dropping in “SOFT DRINKS” after the good doctor’s advice! I can’t think of a better way to open up a new hole in your stomach, and provide a blood rush to your already pounding head, by ingesting a Big Gulp full of carbonation!
So the next time you’re in a 7-11, staring at the bucket of filmed-over salsa by the over-baked taquitos, just think of the funky white people and the creepy doctor offering advice as you realize you really are blessed to be standing in a mini mart!
