Classic(ally Bad) TV commercials: A Whole Lotta Shakin’ Going On With the Burger King
When blogging about bad Burger King commercials, I have PLENTY of options to choose from. Just troll through the internet and you’ll find plenty of bizarre commercials from BK. So after much debate, I’ve decided to focus this critique on a 1980 ad featuring THE Burger King. He was just as creepy then as he is now, only 27 years ago he was creepy AND magical!
Hmmm… so where do I begin with this train wreck? For those too young to remember, by 1980 the fast food mascot wars between Ronald McDonald and Burger King were in high gear. By the 80’s, Ronald had formed his posse with Mayor McCheese, Grimace, and the Hamburglar. Not to be outnumbered in a dark alley, or if he didn’t want to do a West Side Story number by himself, the Burger King needed his own crew featuring the incredibly irritating (see for yourself) Duke of Doubt and the epileptic Sir Shake-a-Lot.
Part of Sir Shake-a-Lot’s problems is his wardrobe. I am no fashion expert, but will somebody get this man to a thrift store for a shirt and pants that didn’t just come out of a dusty exhaust pipe? The other big problem for old “Shaky” is the fact (as the King sings it) that when he’s thirsty he likes a good shake. Well that’s probably why he’s shaking so much. It appears the King is handing out medium-sized shakes (chocolate we presume), which according to calorie-count.com contain 1/3 of the daily allowance of total fat, 3/5 the daily allowance of saturated fat, 1/4 of your daily cholesterol intake, and almost 2/5 of your daily carbohydrate count. Sir Shake-a-Lot has the shakes because of the constant sugar rush he receives… or perhaps he’s experiencing his first bout of diabetic shock.
After you feel queasy listening to Shake-a-Lot’s annoying voice (Grrrrrrrrreeeeeaaaaaat Shhhhhhhaaaaaakkkkkeeees!), the King puts on a magic show. Maybe I have a dirty mind, but having two creepy men start off a magic show for kids with a phallic table just bothers me. After the table cloth erection, we see some awful magic, some terrible singing, and Shake-a-Lot jonesing for another shake like a crack whore looking for another rock. Then the King pulls out his baton, and thanks to the magic of horrendous video editing we see the “magical” shake “disappear” before our very eyes! Just wait until he starts bending spoons!
After goosing Shake-a-Lot (”That really shook me up Burger King!”) we wrap things up with a tower of chocolate-flavored fat bombs and Shake-a-Lot’s orgasmic whining. I find it far from coincidence that McDonald’s recently announced they had their best financial performance since 1980… when this commercial first aired.
So the next time you’re sitting in a Burger King drive-thru waiting for your shake, just think of Sir Shake-a-Lot and his seizures every time the King turned his magical ring for a stack of shakes. Then pull out of the drive-thru, go home, and cry in your bath tub.
