Classic(ally Bad) TV Commercials: The Power Jet! TV’s Least-Exciting Pressure Washer!
Today Billy Mays rules as television’s auctioneer of overpriced crap on infomercials. But in 1985, all you needed was a monotone announcer to sell hundreds of these babies! (Props to FuzzyMemories.TV)
One look at this and you can see even without Mays screaming at you about how great this or that is, “as seen on TV” commercials still use some of the same techniques to sell really useless stuff.
Bad acting: A hallmark for “as seen on TV” ads. Let’s take the poor schmoe at the start of the spot. First of all, he’s a schmoe. I don’t think this guy has ever climbed higher in his career than fry cook at the local McDonald’s. And one can easily see why– the dope figured he could wash his car for just a couple of quarters! Those do-it-yourself car washes has timers on them you imbecile! If you only have 45 seconds to wash your car because you’re too cheap, start scrubbing Skippy! The classic over-acting (punching the machine, throwing the hose down, beating up on his car while pouting) is matched only by the truly awful off-screen acting; the guy who throws a bucket of suds onto the car as our hero is crying. How do you put that on a resume?
-
TV commercial extra (Power Jet), February 1985
Threw suds on to some moron’s Trans-Am
Hot chick touting the product: Okay, she’s straight out of the Barbara Mandrell factory but even for 1985 she was pretty cute. First, she’s stroking the Power Jet like it’s an Orgasmatron. Second, while she’s loading the Power Jet with soap, you can clearly see her nipples through her shirt. This isn’t merely just leaving the headlights on, someone clearly told her to wear the see-through shirt without a bra. Third, she’s wearing really short, tight shorts. All of this is intentional as the manufacturer, who couldn’t sell this piece of crap based solely on its original purpose (it’s a pressure washer!), wants to distract you so you don’t realize it’s just a pressure washer. I mean, who pressure washes their plants?
Cheesy bonus gifts: In order to make these things more valuable, most manufacturers will throw in an additional whatever it is they’re selling to really make it look like you’re getting your money’s worth. Since nobody can really use two pressure washers, unless you just happen to clean skyscraper windows for a living, the Power Jet people really have to jump through hoops in the bonus department. A free bottle of wax? Okay… not glorious… but it saves me three or four bucks at the store. An on/off switch? Well now! I was on the fence about buying this beauty but that on/off switch just sold me! I want 100 of them!
A very expensive price tag: There’s a very good reason why this stuff is sold on TV– someone is charging a king’s ransom and making a ton of money in the end. Think about this: in 1985 the minimum wage in America was $3.35 per hour. These jokers wanted to charge $17.95 (with postage and handling) for this hunk of junk! That would take (before taxes) about 5 1/3 hours of work! You’d have to work nearly an entire day to get a Power Jet without the hot girl stroking it. And what’s the deal with the fine print… allow two to four weeks delivery? Are they hand-crafting each of these things? Are they carefully testing them by running them over with poor schmoe’s car in a car wash somewhere? It’s coming from MEMPHIS, not Moscow! You have FedEx in your back yard for crying out loud!
Finally, bad writing: What marketing school flunky wrote this mess? “Aren’t you really about tired of this?” What?!?! Did the Redundancy Department of Redundancy approve this copy? After describing the scientific aspects of the product, our announcer casually asks, “Isn’t that great?” Well… no! It’s a pressure washer! WHOOP-DEE-FREAKIN’-DOO!
I guess it’s no ordinary pressure washer… it’s POWER JET! Ask for it by name (and make sure you get the one with the handy-dandy on/off switch)!
