Classic(ally Bad) TV Commercials: Going BONKERS for Bad TV!
Not that I want to keep video submissions all in the family, but I have to thank my brother Dave for sending this classic(ally bad) commercial. It’s undated, but I recall seeing it a lot during the Saturday morning cartoons so let’s just call it 1985. And let’s just laugh as elderly people get crushed by three tons of fruit!
The first thought in my mind is whoever runs this hotel or yacht club the elderly people are gathering in is about to get the pants sued off them. Who keeps giant bundles of strawberries, grapes, and watermelons tied (rather poorly) to the ceiling? And what’s the deal with this Minnie Pearl wannabe? Was the idea of having some pumped up Miracle-Gro Frankenstein candy fall on people targeted towards hicks as a good time? Well, in a way that describes the WWE, but I digress.
Our good friend Minnie has a trick up her sleeve, as she’s apparently the only one in the building who knows “Bonkers bonks you out”. But the joke is on her after she gets a kick watching three people get squished by tumbling produce. You’d think she’d know better, chewing that disgusting little morsel of fructose corn syrup would only give her trouble. But noooooooo… wacky little Minnie has to give in to her Bonkers obsession only to get crushed by a giant Watermelon in an elevator. I now believe this commercial is solely responsible for America’s Funniest Home Videos, the revival of Gallagher in the late 1980’s, and frivolous lawsuits as lawyers all across America suddenly realized people could be killed by a wayward pomegranate.
As corny as this commercial is, I have to admit it was a decent campaign suckering many people into believing you actually got a giant-sized burst of fruit flavor in these things. And the campaign worked because Bonkers were quite popular in the late 1980’s. But the sad truth of Bonkers is revealed in this commercial when Minnie holds up a Bonkers nugget while the graphic “artificially flavored” reminds us that most cubed, soft and chewy candies strangely aren’t really natural. Come to think of it, that Bonkers candy we get a close-up of looks an awful lot like something from the video game Q-Bert.
Bonkers, like its elderly victims seen here, died a slow death through the 1990’s finally hitting the dirt in 1997. A new but different version of Bonkers reappeared in 2002, but like the Spice Girls reunion didn’t live up to the hype as it is now discontinued and only available through wholesale candy distributors. But at least we have the memories of old people getting crushed by massive quantities of fruit, and if that isn’t satisfying in a very sick way I just don’t know what is.
