Classic(ally Bad) TV Commercials: Mom, Dad, Can I Call the New Kids on the Block?
LIKE! OH MY GOD! IT’S THE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK!
In 1990 every popular music act had a 1-900 number to stock its fan club. Before the days of the Internet and cell phone ring tones, this was the way bands (or rather their management) made a ton of dough on the side of concert ticket sales, album sales, and other public appearances. Nearly 20 years later the idea of paying two dollars for the first minute, and 45 cents for each additional minute of listening to a recording from the New Kids on the Block is laughable. But it was NKOTB so I can only imagine how much money was raked in off this scam.
I don’t even have to give you play-by-play of this commercial to figure out how classic(ally bad) it really is. Watching five privileged Boston-area teenagers acting like they’re street tough is just plain comical. Yet it was their shtick and they played it well, answering band creator Maurice Starr’s need to counter his popular New Edition with a white version of the band. Despite the over-the-top and goofy performance done here in someone’s living room, allegedly more than 100,000 calls were made PER WEEK to this phone number! Hey, at least United Cerebral Palsy got a nice cut from that.
I couldn’t tell you which member of the band is which, all I know is Donnie Wahlberg looks extremely silly with his giant “peace” medallion and puffy trucker hat askew. From him, going clockwise, we have some guy wearing baggy Boston Celtics sweats, a guy wearing something straight from the Calvin Klein catalog, a guy jumping on the Chicago Bulls bandwagon like most of America did in 1990, and a guy going for the totally 80’s look of wearing a dress shirt open with a white tee shirt under it. After watching this commercial, you can now see why “grunge music” was hailed as a Godsend just a couple of years later.
Although Wahlberg is the sorest of sore thumbs in this collection, he’s the one who had the most success after the band split up starring in several hit movies and one of my favorite and most underrated TV shows of all time, Boomtown. Jordan Knight, Joey McIntyre, and Danny Wood clung on to the music scene releasing one somewhat-forgettable solo album after another. Johnathan Knight wised up and got out of the business, although with today’s housing market I’m sure he’s rethinking his decision to get into real estate.
The time of teen boy bands (pre-Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC) is long gone, and so are these phony 1-900 deals that are now left up to porn… err… “singles hot lines”. But apparently the New Kids on the Block aren’t over. People magazine recently announced the band is getting back together, which of course means a new album, tour, and TV show is surely in the works. In a time of American Gladiators part II, and another Rambo sequel, it appears the lowest common denominator of the general public is getting served again.
