Classic(ally Bad) TV Commercials: Why Pete Rose Isn’t in the Hall of Fame
Pete Rose has done many pathetic, illegal, and downright awful things during and after his glorious baseball career. This commercial, however, may be the worst of them all!
Gambling on the Cincinnati Reds while he was the manager? No big deal…
Making a quick buck off autographed baseballs that said he gambled? Ehh, a man has to pay the bills…
Doing a show tune about aftershave with Mel Sharples from “Alice”? Unacceptable!
When this commercial was released in 1976, the “Big Red Machine” was on its way to its second-consecutive World Series title, and Rose was just nine years away from becoming Major League Baseball’s all-time hits leader. It’s no secret Rose will do pretty much anything for a few hundred dollars, but even this seems far-fetched and unbelievable.
First, Rose has had far more nastier things said of him from a heckler other than, “What’s a man really want in an aftershave?” Yet this intriguing question from actor Vic Tayback not only incenses Rose, he actually calls time out while at bat! You can call Pete a degenerate gambler, a womanizer, or a low-life scum, but don’t you dare call him a perfumed-up sissy boy! And to prove he’s clearly not going to take that abuse from a grown man wearing a powder blue sweater, Rose decides to show how manly he is by going Broadway baby!
There is something very Billy Bean or Brady Anderson-esque about this quartet to say the least. Four men, some wearing tight pants, singing about how a man should smell. Rose, who is a terrible singer if you haven’t figured it out by now, crows loud and clear how one wants to “feel like a man” although one can almost sense his Y chromosome evolving into an X as this commercial laughingly winds its way to the grand finale. All four participants, to the beat of the syllables A-QUA-VEL-VA, proudly display their Aqua Velva in a way that makes Van Halen’s ultra-Caucasian dance number in the music video for “Hot For Teacher” seem like something out of Motown.
I can only wonder how well this commercial worked for the makers of Aqua Velva. Were gangs of men crashing through grocery store doors, leaping and skipping their way to the men’s fragrence aisle singing this song? Were women swooning over their sweet-smelling Aqua Velva men at the Barbara Streisand concert? Did the rest of the Big Red Machine sing this at team parties in front of hookers and mountains of cocaine? One can only wonder. And one can only wonder if Rose got paid well for this commercial, and if he invested it wisely on betting for a Reds sweep over the Yankees in the ‘76 Fall Classic!
