Classic(ally Bad) TV Commercials: The International House of Quaaludes
Who doesn’t like pancakes? And who doesn’t like adding things to their pancake batter like chocolate chips, fruit, or… illicit drugs? The last addition to one’s pancakes is apparently what happened here in this mind-bending, bizarre 1969 ad for the International House of Pancakes.
Wow… I had too much to dream last night! Can you tell IHOP was based in California? Can you also tell everyone involved in this commercial from conception, to filming, to editing, to music was free-basing on something? What the hell was that?!?
Alright, the family running through the field with bunches of balloons, we’ll let slip. It was 1969, color TV was new and hip, and the family running around with balloons was very hippie-like so we’ll give that a pass. But we can’t give it a total pass because of the awful, awful, AWFUL music featured in this spot. It sure sounds like someone got a new organ for Christmas and just HAD to try it out! Juiced up on too many conceptual albums from The Beatles, The Who, Cream, and The Moody Blues, this person with the new organ ended up pounding out 60 seconds of some of the worst music ever recorded. That, or he left a tape recorder running while his cat walked up and down the keyboard. Groovy, dude.
It’s tough to figure out which is worse, the music, or the hideous Alvin and the Chipmunks singing that accompanies it. One quick look at the singles releases of Alvin and the Chipmunks tunes sees one release in 1968, followed by one in 1980. So desperate to make ends meet, and to take care of their growing drug habit, Alvin and the boys must have been eager to jump at any opportunity. Sing stoned off our gourd for a pancake restaurant? YES! YES! YES! Sign us up!
Now back to the video, which doesn’t do anything to convince us to go to IHOP. After our romp in the park with the family, we’re seated inside a cramped IHOP where our family is probably the closest to normal at IHOP. If you consider running through the park with giant helium balloons is normal, that is, which still may be the case since most IHOPs are filled with drunks, cheap truckers, and homeless people able to scrape up $8 for a “steak” dinner.
We start with the little boy who orders pancakes, en Francaise. If the kid wants to eat crepes’ that’s fine, but he should not blame his parents in therapy for becoming an interior decorator. His sister clearly doesn’t want to be there, and she clearly doesn’t want to eat whatever is floating in that ceramic chicken. I’m guessing it’s pot pie, and I’m also guessing if she really didn’t want that meal she shouldn’t have ordered it. Mom must have had a little bit of whatever the creators of this commercial had, because she is just way too delirious about her salad. Dad is not amused with his plate of 1/2 cup of spaghetti with tiny meatballs that cost 43 cents to make but shows up as $5.95 on his bill, but he plays it off cordially. We top off our meal with a steaming fresh pot of coffee for the whole family, and that allows everybody to RUN! RUN SOME MORE! MORE BALLOONS!
We then wrap with seven awkward seconds of bad organ music playing out the bad jingle with a bad logo. It’s safe to say at this point in time the creators of the commercial, who I have an odd suspicion were also responsible for the movie “Head”, crashed from their highs and just couldn’t come up with anything better.
As odd as this commercial is, it somehow worked. I say that simply because nearly 40 years later IHOP is still dishing up food to stoners… only this time the stoners who watched the original commercial grew up and gave birth to stoners who still wash ashore at IHOP at 3 in the morning.
