Classic(ally Bad) TV Commercials: Finger Lickin’ Brats!
And when I say “brats” I don’t mean delicious bratwurst boiled in beer then thrown on a grill. What I do mean is these two brats who demand their own type of chicken! Thankfully for these two twerps, and their doting mom, Kentucky Fried Chicken could take care of their needs, even in 1978!
In the 30 years since this commercial was made, fast food selection has changed tremendously. It’s laughable nowadays to even think the tough choice of original recipe or extra crispy was the only tough choice a KFC customer had to make. But it’s true, and KFC went out of its way to let stressed out moms know that when your Veruca Salt-like kids demanded chicken their way they got it!
So the idea of this commercial is bad enough to begin with, and now we’ll add some horrific acting to the mix! First, what’s with the awkward three seconds of silence at the beginning of the spot? Whoever edited this thing didn’t quite grasp the concept of “tightening up” the action. The only thing missing from the start of the commercial is the director yelling, “ACTION!” But perhaps the silence would be welcome after hearing these little pipsqueaks scream out their order. And as if our tone-deaf counter clerk didn’t understand Frick and Frack’s yelling, mom repeats the order with the girls’ names thrown in. If I were the clerk, I’d say, “Lady, I don’t give a rat’s arse what your kids’ names are, just tell them to stop yelling at me! One wants original and one wants extra crispy! I GET IT!” But our clerk doesn’t get it, giving us a look as if the kids spoke to her in Japanese. You can almost see her thinking, “Uh oh… I don’t know if I can put original in one box and extra crispy in the other. I think I’ll have to get my manager!” Then again it looks like she’s about 34, and at that age she really shouldn’t be working the counter at KFC.
Our clerk shows her dimwittedness again just moments later when she hands the wrong box of chicken to the wrong kid. Still I can only blame the mother for this since we really didn’t need to know her kids’ names, but in this event the clerk should just present both boxes and ask for the money from mom. Let these two back of the airline seat kickers figure out whose dinner is in which box. Besides, one box has “EXTRA CRISPY” branded on it like it came from the CIA.
The kids eventually did figure out which was which, and as our heart-warming jingle lets us know it’s so good to feel good about a meal, mom stares at the kids as they wolf down their KFC. That brings me to another concern– these kids are already irritating, and soon they will grow up to be FAT and irritating! How old are these kids? Five, maybe six-years-old? Why the hell is their mother giving them whole boxes of chicken to eat? You saw the close-up, a breast and drumstick along with a fat buttery biscuit. Remember, this is when KFC unabashedly called themselves Kentucky Fried Chicken because nobody cared about unhealthy fried foods. Today KFC is shifting back to the Kentucky Fried Chicken moniker, mostly because they are leaving out the trans-fats and cooking food in healthier oil. Still, according to their own nutrition guide, the meal the girls are eating is loaded with calories and fat. The original recipe box contains about 710 calories and a whopping 40 grams of fat (or roughly 61% of the recommended daily allowance). The extra crispy isn’t much better (700/66/74%), and with all the sodium these kids are inhaling it’s only a matter of time before nearby deer use them as salt licks.
The kids are all grown up now, and I’m sure they feel good about that delicious meal they inhaled in the back of their mom’s car. Mom is probably paying outrageous medical bills for their daughters, but that’s okay because they got what they asked for at Kentucky Fried Chicken! Even with the assistance of a knucklehead behind the counter!
