The Affari Edge Blog

“I would rather watch WWF than Criss Angel…they’re both fake but at least wrestlers bleed.”

“Criss Angel stole an hour of my life.”

“Chris Angel sucks.”

These were three of the new status updates I noticed when I checked up on some of my facebook friends this morning. If you aren’t familiar with status updates, they’re open ended sentences that users update to let others know what they’re doing/thinking. I awoke to a list of anti-Criss (sometimes “Chris”) Angel propaganda on the web this morning. Away messages, IMs and even more status updates raged about their disappointment with last night’s much-hyped stunt.

If somehow you missed it, Criss Angel ’starred’ in a live, hour-long special on A&E last night performing his newest stunt: escaping from a locked building in less than four minutes. Cameras were placed throughout the hotel to give viewers an inside look. The cameras showed Angel race through the building, but when the timer hit zero he was still inside. The building imploded and there was no trace of Angel. Miraculously, Angel walked from the rubble and great the crowd - not scratched, not bruised, not broken.

Right. It took the crowd I was with about three seconds to debunk the ‘illusion’. The popular belief is that Angel never actually ran through the building. That he escaped while viewers watched prerecorded B-roll footage of him running around a building. I found it insulting that Angel and all involved in the ‘trick’ (which felt more like a cop-out) actually believed Americans were stupid enough to believe he actually survived the explosion. In fact, yesterday’s TBT had an article that predicted this very outcome! Kudos.

In my opinion, the biggest story here is no the magic stunt, but the publicity stunt. This story was everywhere yesterday (especially here in Tampa since the stunt was performed across the bay in Clearwater). People gathered to watch the stunt, even though everybody knew the chances of Criss Angel being killed on live television were right next to impossible. I speculate that ratings were up - especially for A&E - and it’s safe to say that Criss Angel’s awareness level among the public has been elevated. The ultimate question, though, is: Is this publicity good publicity?

Sure, there are many who believe the old saying “any publicity is good publicity”, but, is that really true?. Is the negative reaction to this stunt supposed to help Angel sell more tickets in Vegas? Sure, because of yesterday I know that Angel has a 10 year, multi-million dollar deal to perform in Vegas, but at the same time I know there is no way I’ll pay to see him. I am more aware of Criss Angel (In fact, I know that his name is spelled “Criss” rather than “Chris”) now than ever before, but I am also more aware that I find him less credible as a magician.

This morning I heard a radio personality claim he wouldn’t be surprised if this stunt would discredit Criss Angel as a magician and ruin his career. Many message board posts that I read this morning were filled with disgruntled messages calling Angel “a cheat”, “a fake” and even ” coward”. A poll on tbo.com asked “How Did Criss Angel Do It?” with 75% of respondents selecting “He was never in the building. The guy in the building was a movie, like on ‘Scooby Doo’”.

Time will tell. The stunt definitely got people watching, talking, and yes, blogging. Despite a rather negative reaction, awareness and Criss Angel talk/banter is high. I just see the stunt as a missed opportunity. The reaction to the the stunt could have been the exact opposite had it been more believable and mystifying. They promised viewers gold and gave them a fancy ‘coin behind the ear’ trick. A quality act would have won many more fans and much more positive feedback. I’m curious to see what happens to his career from this point forward. For his sake, I hope his fans don’t pull a magic trick of their own and disappear. [ohhh burn]

Old people are cute. Let’s face it, unless they’re wasting away in a urine-smelling nursing home somewhere, old people are just plain charming. Even old people falling off a globe into the anus of America– Cleveland, Ohio.

Ahhh… there’s nothing like old-fashioned, do-it-yourself, aired between midnight and 5 a.m. commercials. You just don’t see too many of them nowadays, and that may be a good thing. But in 1979, this was the standard local commercial, even for a large market such as Cleveland.

May I introduce to you C. Miller, and old man who’s on top of the world. Well, it looks like he’s actually on top of a globe purchased at Zayre’s, but he probably also thinks he’s made of cheese so let’s just humor the man. Why is he on top of the world? Because in 1979 he was number one in the greater Cleveland area. Now this statement causes some problems. What is he number one in? Sales of Chevrolets? Sales of cars in general? Sales of ANYTHING in general? Also, this may be the only time the words “greater” and “Cleveland” have been used in the same sentence. While this sentence may cause us problems, it really causes C. Miller problems as he slips off his snug perch on Quebec. I hope he doesn’t break his hip!

What started as a charming commercial now falls into the category of incredibly goofy. C. Miller clumsily falls (or is he trying to fly?) past the vast Cleveland skyline. All one building of the Cleveland skyline that is. Suffice to say if “dreary” is your favorite color, Cleveland is the place to be. At least C. Miller has the calmness while he’s falling to clarify his earlier statement of what he was number one in. If my claim to fame was selling the most Chevrolets in Cleveland, I’d probably jump off a tall building too. Or maybe buy a nicer suit.

After a mighty “thud” portrayed only slightly better than William Shatner throwing himself around the bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise during a Klingon attack in the original Star Trek, C. Miller proudly sings we can see the USA in a C. Miller Chevrolet. With a stiff point to his chest, and a Muppet-like blown kiss, we’re suddenly brought down by the reality that C. Miller probably just crapped his Depends following that harrowing fall from the globe. And before you chastise me for picking on an old man, check out this commercial from 1976 and agree with me that C. Miller lost his sanity way way way before he fell off a cheap globe.

As kooky as this commercial was, C. Miller did sell a lot of cars. He begs the question of which was more entertaining; watching the Cuyahoga River burn or watching this old man fall through Cleveland only to end up on his feet? One thing’s for sure, seeing this old man fall all by his lonesome sparked somebody to create those legendary Life-Alert commercials.

Toys of the 1950s and 1960s were so much simpler then toys of today, and that’s good because those old toys really cultivated the creativity of a young mind during play time. Even with these memories of great toys of the past, this toy is a bit on the cheap and silly side.

The first 15 seconds of the spot is your typical 1960s toy commercial– a clunky battery-powered toy rolls into the screen amidst a mist of dry ice. Like most toys of the time, the key to beating the nasty monster was to shoot it. Is there any wonder why America has so many NRA members? But I digress…

The commercial takes a turn for the odd here when we find out you don’t just shoot at King Zor, you shoot for his tail. Now scientifically this makes no sense. Sure, an attack on the tail will hurt King Zor but it will hardly kill him. Shouldn’t you take him out at the head? What about the neck? Or how about deflating those tires he cruises in on? Shooting him in that giant round target on his tail just makes it look like a bad carnival game. Batteries may not be included, but I have a hunch the cuddly teddy bear you win for hitting the target with three pitches doesn’t come included either. Then things get even wackier…

When you hit the tail target, King Zur launches a marble from his secret marble magazine in his back! Who says God doesn’t make all creatures with a purpose? Now shooting the tail target makes even less sense since you won’t hurt him much and you’ll probably lose an eye from that marble he’s chucking at you. Now King Zur apparently is more than a clunky mechanical dinosaur, he’s a fighting machine! How brilliant! Or is he?

King Zur is smart enough to shoot marbles at his opponents, but avoiding that giant mountain? King Zur has to stick out his tongue, think about it for a few seconds, then reverse course? So much for intelligent design. I mean, WHAT THE HELL ARE HIS EYES FOR? The announcer is right, there’s never been a fighting dinosaur like King Zor. That is unless someone at Jurassic Park mixed up the dinosaur and Mr. Magoo DNA in a blender.

Not surprisingly, the kitschy King Zor lives on in goofy t-shirts and toy collector clubs. A fairly good-conditioned one, with the original box, sells for $1,500 on E-Bay! This only shows the fondness we have for vintage toys… and the need to pay way too much money for a marble-shooting dim-witted dinosaur. Even if there hasn’t been a dinosaur like him before or after 1962!