Classica(ally Bad) TV Commercials: Cleveland Rocks in a Chevrolet!
Old people are cute. Let’s face it, unless they’re wasting away in a urine-smelling nursing home somewhere, old people are just plain charming. Even old people falling off a globe into the anus of America– Cleveland, Ohio.
Ahhh… there’s nothing like old-fashioned, do-it-yourself, aired between midnight and 5 a.m. commercials. You just don’t see too many of them nowadays, and that may be a good thing. But in 1979, this was the standard local commercial, even for a large market such as Cleveland.
May I introduce to you C. Miller, and old man who’s on top of the world. Well, it looks like he’s actually on top of a globe purchased at Zayre’s, but he probably also thinks he’s made of cheese so let’s just humor the man. Why is he on top of the world? Because in 1979 he was number one in the greater Cleveland area. Now this statement causes some problems. What is he number one in? Sales of Chevrolets? Sales of cars in general? Sales of ANYTHING in general? Also, this may be the only time the words “greater” and “Cleveland” have been used in the same sentence. While this sentence may cause us problems, it really causes C. Miller problems as he slips off his snug perch on Quebec. I hope he doesn’t break his hip!
What started as a charming commercial now falls into the category of incredibly goofy. C. Miller clumsily falls (or is he trying to fly?) past the vast Cleveland skyline. All one building of the Cleveland skyline that is. Suffice to say if “dreary” is your favorite color, Cleveland is the place to be. At least C. Miller has the calmness while he’s falling to clarify his earlier statement of what he was number one in. If my claim to fame was selling the most Chevrolets in Cleveland, I’d probably jump off a tall building too. Or maybe buy a nicer suit.
After a mighty “thud” portrayed only slightly better than William Shatner throwing himself around the bridge of the U.S.S. Enterprise during a Klingon attack in the original Star Trek, C. Miller proudly sings we can see the USA in a C. Miller Chevrolet. With a stiff point to his chest, and a Muppet-like blown kiss, we’re suddenly brought down by the reality that C. Miller probably just crapped his Depends following that harrowing fall from the globe. And before you chastise me for picking on an old man, check out this commercial from 1976 and agree with me that C. Miller lost his sanity way way way before he fell off a cheap globe.
As kooky as this commercial was, C. Miller did sell a lot of cars. He begs the question of which was more entertaining; watching the Cuyahoga River burn or watching this old man fall through Cleveland only to end up on his feet? One thing’s for sure, seeing this old man fall all by his lonesome sparked somebody to create those legendary Life-Alert commercials.
